Saturday, July 30, 2011

Not sure how to feel

I will be 34 weeks on Monday (today is Saturday). The realization that I could have this baby as soon as 3 weeks is really getting to me. Of course it isn't likely that she will come that early. But Aimee was born at 39 weeks so I really could be having this one in 5 weeks. Either way, that is not much time at all! I am 44 days from my due date. When you put it in days like that it is crazy close! I have been feeling a bit impatient lately. Not to be done but to be closer to done. But when I stop and think about it I feel panicked! I'm starting to feel less afraid of going through labor again. I'm starting to see it as more of a challenge that I need to prepare to fight. I think it is my body getting ready in a way. But when I think about actually having another baby I feel afraid. I feel like I'm not ready but I don't know why. With Aimee I was so ready, and so excited, I never thought twice about it. I basically have everything ready to go. And what I don't have is quick and easy. But I find myself thinking, what do I even need? How does this work? This morning Joe said my belly looked smaller. And it almost looks like it may have dropped. It occurred to me that over the next weeks I will probably start to see signs that my body is getting ready. But it seems so surreal! I don't feel like anything is going to happen, so the idea that it actually will is so strange. I was so uncomfortable and miserable when I was pregnant with Aimee. I have my days or moments of discomfort with this one but overall I feel fine and not even that pregnant. I guess I haven't gotten that big, so I don't feel like I've really experienced this pregnancy in full. I know I don't want to get that big because I don't want another big baby or a lot of extra fat. And since I'm not miserable I feel like it can't possibly be getting close. I wonder how much my first experience affects the way I am taking this one? I wonder if it is normal to enjoy pregnancy? And I know I'm way over thinking everything. GAH!!!