A lot has changed since I posted last. I've gone through a lot of ups and downs as far as my emotions and how I'm feeling physically. I think I'm at a pretty good place now though. As far as an update, I guess I will start back at 4 weeks and go from there so I have this to look back on. Feel free to skip if you'd like.
At first I was feeling pretty good physically. But I felt very overwhelmed and anxious as well as moody and depressed. When I would go to bed night I would lay there feeling panicked about the idea of being pregnant. I would also start to feel nauseous. And after I fell asleep I would wake up feeling really sick most nights. I also had cramps and had to pee constantly. And of course my boobs felt like they had been stabbed when I would get up.
By week 7 I all of a sudden had full blown food aversion. Just looking at most foods (especially peanut butter crackers) made me feel repulsed and like puking. I also had all day nausea and no appetite. I think I lived off of popsicles for a few weeks. We got or I made pizza a few times and every time I couldn't eat more than one bite. It repulsed me. There were a few times I craved toast with butter and jam. And if I wasn't feeling sick I wanted cheeseburgers or Taco bell.
In the midst of all this I had a really hard time with my blood sugar. I would wake up, have a bowl of non sugary, high fiber cereal and my blood sugar would shoot up to 130 or so. It really made me feel crappy. So at 11 weeks I had an appointment with my regular doctor (Dr. Belozer). She has handled my blood sugar and health problems since they started so I still see her. She had me do a glucose tolerance test and we both assumed I probably have gestational diabetes or full blown type 2 diabetes. But low and behold my tests all came back normal. And since then I have been feeling a lot better. Also around this time my teeth started hurting a lot and feeling like they would fall out. I think it was because of all the sinus pressure from being congested so much.
I have had one baby dream I can remember so far. Well all I remember is the ending. I walked into a room and picked up my newborn and started nursing. It felt so real. I even saw my breasts as they look now, post-surgery. It was so easy to breastfeed and was so wonderful. Then I woke up. For a long time after that I really struggled with knowing I won't ever get to have that. I know I was blessed to be able to nurse Aimee. But with such huge boobs it was really hard. I wish that I could do it now that my boobs are normal sized. I really had a hard time knowing my baby won't get the breast milk that is best for it. The idea of giving a newborn formula, especially for the first feeding, is horrible to me. I started looking into the idea of donor milk. I actually found someone through cafemom who lives in Philomath and is due at the same time as I am. She offered to be my donor. That gave me some true hope. It is hard at the same time though. That's where my tendencies toward agoraphobia come in. The idea of meeting a stranger and having to get the milk from her scares me. I know ridiculous.
|12 weeks, what it really looks like. Hiding the horrible flap at the bottom with my pants. (oh and that's my hand not my boob just in case you were worried.)|
Now I am doing a lot better. I still need a daily nap and feel pretty tired at times. But not so hopeless or angry. I also started feeling a lot better and even got some appetite back. I am 16 weeks now and proud to say I haven't gained any weight yet. I've been trying really hard to eat a lot of fruit and not overdo on junk food. That and with sleeping so much I don't eat a whole lot.
I can't wait to feel the baby move. There have been a few times when I think maybe I am feeling something but it's hard to say. I feel random twitches and they are a little high up. With Aimee I felt definite flutters at 17 weeks in my lower belly.
I'm amazed at how different this pregnancy has been from the last one. I know people say every pregnancy is different but I'm really hoping this means it is a boy. With Aimee I was hardly sick. This time I was super nauseous for about 8 weeks. Couldn't stand the sight of most food and didn't crave anything. I craved fruit so badly with Aimee. I seriously would eat a whole watermelon and about 4 other types of fruit in one day. If anything, since feeling better, I've been wanting hamburgers and taco bell. With Aimee I had very real feeling pregnancy dreams constantly. I've only had a few this time and only early on. My skin seems to be clearer since the first trimester ended. It was always super broken out last time. I had the congestion and nose bleeds with Aimee but not till the end. Another huge thing for me has been the exhaustion. I went to work with Aimee and needed naps sometimes but it wasn't bad. I have spent almost every day trying to nap on the couch after Aimee gets up in the morning while she plays next to me and taking a nap once she goes back to sleep. I have been too tired to do anything.
I KNEW for sure that I was having a girl before my ultrasound. This time I really don't have a "feeling" about it. And I suppose the biggest thing is that I was just so excited last time. I never stopped to have negative thoughts. Now I still am not excited most of the time. In fact when people ask about my pregnancy I feel almost annoyed. I feel like I'm faking it and lying to them or something. So weird! I know that is just my mental state and not gender related.